Wow, a really long time. I guess I've been very inverted lately. Communication is rare or nonexistant with 97% of friends. A lot of shit has happened. A lot I don't really wanna talk about. Or do I? I dunno...
I've lost my anger and grown apathetic to some things. And for all the wrong reasons. I shouldn't give a fuck what they think or why. It's me whose angry and I feel numb again. I hate that feeling and anger is a wonderful way to get rid of it. But it didn't solve the problem now, did it? I'm still numb and people don't care. I know I talk about people alot and the suckiness of it all, but I guess there was unreasonable hope. And reason is my life. My hope that there is some semblence of good in this world is unreasonable.
However, without this hope, what is the purpose? I guess it is unreasonable, but I still have the little annoying voice that tells me not to kill the insipid. Who am I to say that all is insipid anyway? God, I hate my arrogence.
What I hate worse of all is my own naivite. (I'm reasonably sure I spelled that incorrectly, but hopefully someone can read it) Some many things I had the power to see and prevent and I, closed my eyes. I didn't see and I'm still blind. I have too many regrets.
I have officially disowned my mother. I feel... I don't know. A sense of freedom, I'm no longer under her control, and she has no power over me, ne? I wish my sister wasn't my mother, that would help my conscience a lot.
Robby, have I lost sleep over you. I wish I can help you and I wish I did help you instead of selfishly running from Hell without you. I am so so sorry and you probably never understand why I left you. I love you so much.
So much fucking guilt. I'm sick of my shame and my guilt. I'm sick of others having no shame. I'm just so... lost, I guess.
Huh, I should probably delete this or something, but I'm so tired... So God-awful bloody tired. | 
